18 Comments

I can't tell you how deeply I resonate with deciding something is not for me without being brave enough to try it. A proactive defense mechanism against the unknown? Cynicism? Changes in my life over the past few years have also pushed me to branch out into the unknown, and I'm proud of this growth (even when it's tiring). I'm going to borrow your mantra here: I am ready to accept the gift. 💛 I am so excited for all the beauty you're welcoming into your life with this change... and should a day ever come when teaching is a possibility I would be happy to talk shop :)

Expand full comment
author

Oh man, yeah, I'm so glad I'm not the only one (and very happy that you've been able to branch out and grow despite the exhaustion of it)! I think it's definitely a protective mechanism for me, and I also think some of it has to do with how easy it is to believe stories I've been telling myself about my life for years, even when they are not true stories. And I'm sure there's some societal pressure about how failure is bad thrown in there, too. What a jumble. Really grateful for therapy that has helped me with the work of untangling all those old stories that aren't serving me anymore.

Expand full comment

So many things to unlearn or to broaden out what we assume 🫶🏼

Expand full comment
Oct 17Liked by Laura Sackton

Missed this when it came out but glad I found it again! Congrats on college life, which is absolutely what you should call it because that’s what it is—your joy in it is wonderful to read about! I have also been having some physical and cognitive dissonance over feeling joy in a writing project for the first time in years while of this (gestures at the world) happens. I appreciate you writing about feeling all of that at once. I got to see Hanif Abdurraqib speak last night, sort of by lovely happenstance, and his way of finding joy in diving deep and sharing about things and people and places he loves while also holding onto how devastating the world can be was kind of a marvel to experience.

Expand full comment
author

I've heard such amazing things about Hanif Abdurraqib's shows--he is coming here next week and I am so excited! Thank you for reading, and I'm so glad you found some resonance here.

Expand full comment
Oct 19Liked by Laura Sackton

Oh I’m so excited for you! Hope a little recap makes it into next month’s letter.

Expand full comment
Oct 2Liked by Laura Sackton

Wishing you some sweetness this month too!

Expand full comment
author

Thank you, Kendra! You too.

Expand full comment
Oct 2Liked by Laura Sackton

Happy back to school season to you!!! So thrilling to follow along with you on this journey. Also your take on that Annie Ernaux book is my favorite take down of a book I have read in a long while.

Expand full comment
author

Lol I'm so glad you enjoyed it.

Expand full comment
Oct 2Liked by Laura Sackton

your photo "A moment of outrageous beauty on my morning walk." moved me to tears. It is absolutely stunning! Congrats on going back to school.

Expand full comment
author

Aw, thank you! I feel like I didn't do much except notice the beauty all around me and try to capture it. Which is certainly something. 💚

Expand full comment
Oct 2Liked by Laura Sackton

Congrats on school! Picture This is a great app. Dracula is a fantastic (and wild and super creepy) book. I love all your beautiful photos, and of course, art.

Expand full comment
author

Thank you, Sarah! I am...not sure I am super excited to read Dracula? But maybe. As far as classic horror goes, rereading Frankenstein is at the top of my list.

Expand full comment
Oct 2Liked by Laura Sackton

Very different books. To me the "horror" of Frankenstein is the monster's absolutely heartbreaking loneliness and struggle -- it's just so deeply sad -- whereas the horror of Dracula is pure Gothic weirdness to the nth degree. (There's so much to unpack in both books -- but no, I don't think you'll enjoy Dracula.)

Expand full comment
author

Lol, yes, pure Gothic weirdness to the nth degree might be one degree too many for me.

Expand full comment

Congratulations on going back to school, Laura! I did finish my BA when I went at 19 years old but now, at 44, I still occasionally ponder a do-over/MFA. It’s not realistic for me right now - I have two kids to send through school first! - but someday, maybe :)

Expand full comment
author

Thank you! This experience is certainly making me realize how messed up our education system is in so many ways. People who need and want school unable to access it. People in school because they have access and it's doing nothing for them. Getting to be a student at this age is such a gift and it just makes me think about how many ways the system is broken...but enjoy the gift all the same.

Expand full comment